Look, I’ve been trying for days, ok more like 10 minutes, to make this post funny and light-hearted so as not to scare people, but I can’t seem to swing that. Sarcasm and nihilism, sure, those I can do, but teh funny – I’m having trouble with. So cut me some slack ok? As we have discussed, I’m kind of having issues with online relationships. This question, related to the previous one is how much do you share with your online friends? And the follow-up is, is it worth it?
Recently I’ve had a few friends burned by online friendships. Burned, scared, annihilated – whatever words you want to use, but they were full-on responses to full-on relationships. So my thoughts (being the self-absorbed George Costanza that I am) went, of course, straight to me. Can I get burned like that? (Quickly assesses all of my friendships online – no..yes..maybe..him I don’t even understand 1/2 the time..yes..no..maybe..yes..yes – Oh Shit. I can be hurt by these people, they can cut all ties with me and I don’t even know where they live?! How can I tp their house when I don’t even know where they live?!
These people, with whom I have grown so fond of, to rely on, can hurt me, can devastate me and I don’t even know where they live? What the fuck is wrong with this picture? Here is number…let’s say 14, about what I really don’t get about what the hell I am doing online. No I get it, I will not send Mrs. Ylanga from Somalia, $5,000 in order to get $50,000, and no I am NOT clicking on that link for a free iPad, I get that, I do – but who are these 1/2 square inch avatars I have shared 100s ok, who are we kidding, 1,000s of hours with? I have seen these friends laid off, struggle to keep their house, find a new job. I’ve tried to talk them out of using crazy glue as a replacement for stitches, mourned the loss of loved ones with them, celebrated milestone anniversaries, and the births of their children. I ❤ these people, but – who the fuck are they? And how the hell can I tp their houses when they break my heart? More importantly, what do they think of me? A total stranger, sending good wishes, good luck, condolences and congratulations?
So again, the questions come back to me (George Costanza), how can I protect myself from you 1/2 inch square people? What do I share with you and what do I keep close to my heart? Is this how friendships work these days? I admit that with my work and home life, I'm a bit (totally) out of practice with the whole making new friends thing – but in my day (100s of years ago), friends where the kind you broke bread with, shared all but the deepest secrets, and even then, there were the select few (one) with whom you shared everything. Do I trust you – 140characters at a time? Do I let you into my heart, or do I step back and re-assess? Should I turn off my laptop, and step outside for real friendship? (of course they could then tp my house at will), and more importantly, where will I get the super-awesome memes like sadmusicals and oneoletteroffmovies?! You can see how I struggle.
How do you, non-think-like-a-computer-have-your-own-real-emotions, people do it? How do you know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run? Fuck, I just quoted Kenny Rogers in a serious moment (note to self – update musical phrase selection).
Maybe it's time to re-assess what I'm giving and receiving from this online place. I will be starting the hardest part (to date) of my educational life in a week, so I won’t have as much free time – maybe I should step back, let you 1/2 square inch people carry-on, while I protect myself…although the memes are pretty frakking funny.
*tp=toilet paper. gah, I’m old or you are young if you didn’t know that.